Two Essential Things to Tell Yourself When You Compare Yourself to Others

self esteem

Sometimes we need to remind ourselves that we can.

Often we just accept a negative view of ourselves as fact.

However, it doesn’t have to be true if you don’t want it to be.

Stop saying to yourself…

I won’t ever be as stylish as her.

I won’t ever be as good a baker.

I won’t ever be as crafty.  

I won’t ever do x as well.

There are two things here you need to remember when these thoughts come into your head.

  1. You don’t have to be.

You don’t have to be as good at anything as anyone.  You just have to be you, wherever that is on the continuum of being good at something.  The world is already full of pressure and stress.  Don’t heave more of it onto your shoulders.  

As I stared at the blank page today, I thought I’m not going to write poetry like the people I follow on instagram with thousands of followers.  I’m not going to be able to write the secret to managing two toddlers who need you at the same time and want different things while you’re keeping dinner from burning.  And the ‘I’m nots’ sat protesting in my head for a moment.

Then I looked back at a previous writing post that was popular and smiled. This was my style.  This was what worked for me, with hopes that it would resonate with someone else.  

No I’m not going to be like others.  I’m going to be me.  

When you compare yourself to someone else you belittle your own value.  You take away the beauty and gifts you have to offer the world. 

If everyone was sitting painting thinking about how they’d never paint like the person next to them, creativity and individuality would be lost.  

Remember in these moments you have something to offer.  Enjoy the journey of deciding what that is and cultivating it.  Then find joy in sharing it.

  1. It doesn’t have to be true.

Sometimes you need a reminder that you can when the negative thoughts come out.  Maybe you’ve put together a stylish outfit you love and feel awesome in, even if it doesn’t include that perfectly draped scarf your colleague masters the art of everyday. Maybe you recently made the moistest chocolate cupcake ever instead of your dense but tasty muffins (that’s me).  Maybe you rock scrapbooking, even if your crocheted potholder looks more like a kite than a square (me again).  

Whatever it is you’re comparing yourself to someone else on and wherever you find yourself on the attainment of greatness scale, maybe you need to remind yourself what you can do.

Challenge those negative thoughts that persist they’re true because maybe they’re not.

In the previous example about my writing, I needed to remind myself I wrote a post I’m proud of.  

And I can do it again.

“The only person you should try to be better than, is the person you were yesterday”- anonymous or a variation of this “Don’t try to be perfect. Just try to be better than you were yesterday” -anonymous

You don’t need to be like the mom you think has it all together or the woman who always knows just what to say at the right moment.  

If there are things that you want to improve on, just be better than yesterday, not try to be like  someone else you think fits your model of what x should look like. Otherwise, you’ll continue to feel a void because you’re not accepting yourself where you are.   

Then tomorrow, do one thing that moves you in the direction you want to go in.  Just one thing.  One thing you can be successful at.  Then go from there.  

May you find your gentle inner voice that reminds you that: You got this!

Things to ponder.

What negative comparisons do you make?

What I’ll nevers do you say to yourself? Or What goals/expectations do you feel you won’t be able to reach?

Was there ever a time you accomplished the task, expectation, or moment you felt proud?  (An I-did-it! moment that you weren’t sure you could?)

If so, what did you do to help you get there?  

Because if you did it once.  You can do it again!

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